hey mr. blog. i think i'll start writing to you again.

sincerely,
mal

a holy and perfect God... the God of ALL creation.. loves me, and I move His heart. how in the world could I not be wrecked by this reality every day?! the very fact that He loves me and that I can know Him should be enough. it is enough. He is the only thing that satisfies my soul. His is everything. He is worthy of everything. everything.

there's going to be a Wedding!

the Lamb will come. He will come for me. He who promised is faithful. He will come and dwell with us. the Lamb will come for His Bride. He will marry me. He will be with us as our God and we shall be His people. He will wipe away every tear. death shall be no more, nor mourning or pain. the former things will pass away and He will make all things new. He will be with us and we shall see Him. we will see His face. He will be our light and He will walk with us. He has promised and He is trustworthy. He will come for His Bride, and we shall reign with Him forever. 

Oh, for the day!

[hebrews 10:23]

i can't stop listening to this song lately. my friend Curt wrote it. the Lord gives him really prophetic songs all the time. and this song encourages me a ton to just cling to the promise that one day the Bride [thechurch] will look like Jesus. revival is coming! it's here! it starts in the church. get ready Bride, a fire is coming...

REVIVAL SONG Curt Vernon

I swear I saw Your glory comin on the clouds today,

that was merely the reflection of Your Bride's face.

watched the earth met like wax beneath Your gaze

all else faded in the light of

all else faded in the light of Love.

i heard the word 'revival' on the news today.

even the wise cried "glory!" 

the earth just stood amazed.

i felt heaven drip a little bit on my face

Kingdom came down in the light of

Kingdom came down in the light of Love

oh, its a love

its a love

its a love that loves to endure

glory on You, glory on me

the very glory of the one who made Himself least

glory on You, glory on me

the very glory of the one they call Mercy

glory on You, glory on me

the very glory of the Prince of peace

glory on You, glory on me

the very glory of the name of Jesus

oh Jesus! oh Jesus!

once I closed my eyes, I saw the church on fire

it was a good thing.

once I closed my eyes, I saw the church on fire

and the match was in my own hands!

oh, the match was in my own hands!

finally the fire of the Bride 

slightly resembles the fire in her Groom's eyes

oh, the fire in her Grooms eyes

have you ever seen the fire in her Grooms eyes?

its ablaze! its ablaze! 

the fire in her Grooms eyes

i saw a generation rise up as one Man.

by the grace of God we'll never learn to stand

that way we'll never get up off our knees.

a nameless throne, we care little of what men think.

Revival came down, its inside us

revival's comin down despite us

revival's yet coming down to light us up

its a love 

its a love that loves to endure

oh, its a love

swear i saw Your glory coming on the clouds today,

that was merely the reflection of Your Bride's face.

don't kid yourself, you need a Physician

i'm sort of in this swirl today. i don't know what the Lord wants out of this or what He is doing but i know that He is good.

this past Saturday i started getting sick, and since then it has progressively gotten worse and worse. it all started with a really sore throat, which lead to a sinus congestion, which lead to an even more sore throat, and then to earaches in both ears, more congestion, and now also, pink eye [my lovely sinus build up is pushing it's way out of my eye. awesome.]

i was finally back on track after the ankle injury and then this sinus infection came out of nowhere.

i was just riding out the cold at first... trying to take care of myself out of my own means + using the internet as a guide. but then yesterday i woke up and the Lord said "He has torn us that He may heal us." and then i heard Him say it to me several other times throughout the day. so i figured that all i could do was pray and pray and pray. just praying for him to heal me. so we prayed for a while last night. and we just did whatever the Spirit was leading us to do (even if that meant saying Jesus' name over and over and over into my clogged ears. haha). my ears were making some crazy noises during all the prayer, but they weren't any better.

then Krista was reminded of a story i had told her about a person being healed after taking communion. so she thought we should all take communion and take it very soberly and seriously... not like some flippant thing just to do. so we got our wine and bread ready and just started praying. we started just repenting to the LORD and worshipping Him. it was SO good. and if that is the only reason i had to be sick, [just to be on my face in repentance and to remember His sacrifice] then that is fine by me. i just want to spend time with Him and praise His name and give Him all the glory.

also, last night while we were praying, the Lord reminded me of that verse in Hosea that He had spoken to me in the morning. so i looked it up and read it again. and i read the surrounding verses this time, too.
Hosea 6
1"Come, let us return to the LORD;
for He has torn us, that He may heal us;
He has struck us down, and He will bind us up.
2After two days He will revive us;
on the third day He will raise us up,
that we may live before Him.
3Let us know; let us press on to know the LORD;
His going out is sure as the dawn;
He will come to us as the showers,
as the spring rains that water the earth."

so then i started thinking that maybe the Lord wants to heal me on the third day from yesterday [the day he gave me that verse]. i feel like He confirmed that with the rain that started heavily last night as we were praying. 

who knows what He is doing. but if you could lift up a little prayer for my health and protection, and that i wouldn't keep being taken down with all these physical ailments, then that would be awesome.

i'm tough! i'm tough! [i told myself]

over the past couple days i've started to realize how incredibly prideful and arrogant i am.
so here i am, repenting and moving on.

i flipped off my bike monday night and pretty much sprained my ankle. i couldn't walk on it at all tuesday or wednesday. a few people came over wednesday night to pray for it, and the Lord healed it to the point where i could actually put weight on it and walk around on it. but it wasn't fully healed. and it's still not healed completely, but it's getting better.

i'm almost certain that the Lord didn't fully heal my ankle because He wanted to humble me. He wanted me to ask for help. He wanted me to realize the blessing of walking. He wanted me to realize my need for Him... that i am dust without Him. and He wanted me to spend more time with Him [seeing as i couldn't move for a couple days].

through that the Lord has been opening up my heart and showing me this ugly, prideful side of it. and it's helping me to see how i've been prideful in other areas of my life. over the past day or two He's been telling me that i've been very arrogant in the way i've been praying for people who don't follow Him. that i've been trying to "save" them out of my own strength, instead of relying on Him and His grace. last night i was getting really broken and upset over the people in my life who don't know the Lord. and last night He spoke to me (and keeps saying today), "what you've been thinking is enough prayer for them, pray more than that, and then more and even more still. you can't do this on your own. i am the One who saves. prayer is the only answer. pray and listen to My Spirit."

so, today i'm at this place of contentment. knowing His grace, mercy and strength are sufficient. prayer, fasting, worship and the Word are all that is necessary. i am dust. i am nothing without Him. i have no good thing apart from Him. i can do absolutely no good without Him. my righteousness out of my own strength is just filthy rags before Him. bah! that makes me sick to know that i would be so arrogant as to think that i could do some sort of righteous act without Him and assume that it means anything at all. i can do NO GOOD THING apart from His Spirit.

i want to live to glorify His holy name in all that i do. prayer truly is the only way this can and will ever happen.

He must become greater, i must become less.

redeemed by Love

i've been reading this book, Redeeming Love, and the Lord is POWERFULLY speaking to me through it. I'm learning a lot about my walk with the Lord and also, He is totally ruining me for the church (His bride!) through this book. the story is based off the book of Hosea, and in the story a man is told by God to marry a prostitute and to love her as He has loved him. 

we, the Church, we christians, we are the prostitute. the Lord is patient with us and He loves us. even though we turn our backs to Him many many times, He takes us back seventy times seven times and more. we play the harlot with other lovers and idols, and yet He remains faithful to us still. He pursues our hearts and He loves us, no matter what the cost.

there's several parts in the book where it talks vividly about sex or the nakedness of the prostitutes. and i've found myself getting very offended that the author would put things like that in the book. but the Lord has been graciously reminding me that the truth cannot be sugar-coated. that i once too was wretched, poor, blind and naked... but by the blood of His Son I am now covered, renewed, awakened, and pure. and the same goes for the Church. 

the past year or so has really been a struggle for me with judging the church. i've been passing judgements without much grace, patience or love involved.  the Lord has really been speaking to me very loud and clearly about how I need to start viewing the Church the way that He does. He doesn't view His bride as a prostitute or a harlot. He sees us as a clean lamb, a pure virgin bride... but only because we love His Son, and by His blood we have been made clean. the Lord just keeps telling me to pray myself in love with the church, and be patient with Her. 

"be patient with Her, as I have been with you." 

i've also been prayer-reading through the book of Hosea while reading Redeeming Love, and it is wrecking me. the Lord loves us so much. seriously. and He loves His church. He is calling His bride forth. and once revival comes fully, things are going to get insane. the Lord is on the move. He is doing a new thing. He is ruining me and i am falling in love with His bride. and this is crazy/exciting because the Lord has been telling all of us that revival is coming, and we know that it will (and has to) start in the Church. i'm pumped.

Hosea 2:14-20

¹⁴"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
   and bring her into the wilderness,
   and speak tenderly to her.
¹⁵And there I will give her her vineyards
   and make the Valley of Achor(valley of trouble) a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
   as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

 ¹⁶"And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Master.' ¹⁷For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. ¹⁸And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. ¹⁹And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. ²⁰ I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.